THE WAUPACA POST

April 19, 1894

 

EARLY REMINISCENCES

 

The Adventure of a Mineralogical Scientist –

The Difference Between Minerals and Minnows

 

            The early ‘50’s furnished rare incidents to the scientist and traveler in the Indian lands.  The men worked hard, and the women worked harder, and when evening came, while the women put the babies to bed, many of the men, like the men of Athens, in the classic age, gathered together, in this case, in the post office.  There, under the wing of Uncle Sam, who only came to see us once a week, they whiled the hours away, comparing notes, relating experiences, etc.  At times there would be large gatherings going to and from the great pineries of the north.  There were wood choppers, log cutters, river men and mill men.  There were various sizes and kinds of humanity – tall, short, thin, fat, lanky, scrawny, voluble, and tobacco-juicy.  Slouch hats predominated, especially the kind where the front section turned up to great the rising sun and the rear part dropped to shed the rain.

            One thing was certain, the hats had never made the acquaintance of a brush.  The dust of ages, that is, whatever age may have belonged to them individually, clung with pristine vigor, and welcomed all new accretions.

            The coats and their greasy collars were first cousins to the hats, so far as appearances were concerned.  Successive dust, and sun, and shower, had given them all the hues an artist would desire in preparing a representation of quaintness and occasionally sloth.  But then who cared?  They were going through to the pineries, and were as a rule, famously good natured, and fond of a joke.

            Not a hand was visible.  Each and every one was buried in the pockets of alleged pants. The shoulders were stooped; the gait was not a la militaire, but an awkward, slouchy shuffle, in very many instances approaching the ridiculous.  The better element of the population had no time for loafing, but were attending to their homes, to planning for the future, and preparing for the wealth that afterward came to their possession.

            Two strangers entered the room, and after viewing the motley group, advanced, and one of them said:  “Gentlemen, we are scientists.  My friend is from Madison, and myself from the Smithsonian Institute at Washington.  We desire to take a look through your section of this region for the purpose of studying its mineralogical suggestions, its scenery, its natural resources, and its capability for rapid wealth production.  Any information it may be in your power to afford us will be very highly appreciated.  We shall consider ourselves deeply indebted, and are prepared to give ample remuneration for all expenses involved.”

            One of the party addressed leaned his head slightly forward, gave an expectoration that struck the opposite wall like a torpedo, slowly dragged out a hand that I am sure had not been washed for a month, from his pocket, twisted his lantern jaws, eyed the visitors askance, sent the hand back into the pocket, brought out an ungainly plug of tobacco, and with the other hand, which had in the meantime fished out a knife, began whittling the aforesaid plug.  Several fragments of the delectable weed having been duly deposited in the capacious receptacle which in ordinary human beings is called a mouth, and four or five energetic firings of the liquid shot having successfully reached their destination on the stained wall, he shifted his position and began:

            “I say, strangers, yo’ kedn’t a hit on another hoss in this ‘ere hul section that could ‘a tol’ yo’ more’n I ken.  “Nif yer after minnylogical specimens, mebbe yer kinder deep fur sum uv the people in this ‘ere parts, but ye aint fur me.  I kin show yo’ whar yo’ kin git more’n fifty millyun minnys at a haul, tho’ what in thunder ye want o’ so menny ez that I don’t know, an’ mebbe ‘taint none o’ my bizness, but Jim Smith hez got a run down here thet’s jes’ got nothin’ but minnys in it.  I guess yer from sum kind o’ kollidge, aint ye?  Az I see sum other cusses down hyar las’ year with ther strainers a fishin’ an’ a fishin’ till I thought they’d bust, but they didn’t.  I’m blamed ef they didn’t keep on an’ scooped up the all-firedest lot o’ truck ye ever seen.  Why, they took sum o’ their minnies an’ they’d stick one in a bottle’n pour suthin’ over it, and look at it, an’ slobber over it like a suckin’ pig, an’ roll it up an’ stick it away an’ go fur anuther, till all us sensible people roun’ here thought they must a’ kum out’n a loo-nat-ick asylum.  But they’s welcome to the minnies.  Why we’ve got more’n ye’d ketch from now till nex’ Jerusalem, so ye may sai in ez hevily ez ye please.  They won’t nobody do nuthin’ to ye no-how, will they, Bill?”

            “Bill” began to talk, but the two scientists, being too much amused at the singular way in which their search for mineralogical lore was received, begged to be excused for a few moments, and bowed themselves out.  In fifteen minutes they were on their way to Weyauwega, a much more pious town at that time than Waupaca, and possessed of much more ninnie-logical wealth, especially, in the way of suckers.  The village smiled from amid its sand dunes and gave the strangers welcome.  They gathered a bottle of experience, sand and suckers, and wended their homeward way.